The Pentangular Gate

#1. The premiere is gonna be awesome! More like a two-hour movie. If you guys like it -- and I know you will -- we plan to use this as a basis for the whole new season. Okay, now, hold onto your seats, because this is big: aliens make them do it. Didn't I tell you it'd be great? You see, these aliens force Danning and Levant to have sex. Okay, I know it's a family show; just hear me out. And remember, this is cable! The sex will only be hinted at, you know, the old fade-to-black, but with a fresh, contemporary look. And people that don't want to see it can just ignore it because there won't be anything obvious to see. You know, just secretive glances, not-so-innocent touches, a hug, pet names; stuff like that. But really, you know that the cool, with-it audience, the movers and shakers, they'll totally love this, and it makes them feel like they're in on some big secret. So, anyway, the colonel and doctor soon realize they're really gay or bi -- I'm doing some reading, ah, I mean research, looking into what works best for that -- and the guys admit they've apparently been in love with each other since the beginning, or almost the beginning. We'll be vague on when it started so we can do flashbacks in later episodes. Even better -- and so we can get all the audience and not just the target -- is that we make it so they're only gay for each other! Tell me that's not the most original idea you've ever heard! The two men will decide to carry on a relationship in secret, but their C.O. and teammates know all about it and are okay with it. And Major Monroe even comes up with the idea to flirt with Danning so nobody else expects the truth, even though most everybody knows and is okay with it. Except! Except the top-secret organization known only by their initials because they're so top-secret. Those guys don't know about it because somebody has to be not-okay with it, and we get this story arc where they're constantly trying to catch the two men for something. Really, you guys, homoerotic tension, it's all the rage these days!

#2. This one's so totally original; you're going to love it. Doctor Levant is turned into -- get this -- a little boy! And Danning, well, he decides he has to be the one to take care of him. Here's the twist: Little Levant will retain all of his adult memories so he can still be on the team. But, because he's a kid, he'll do all those cute rugrat things like suck his thumb when he's tired, and whine during a briefing because he needs a nap. I mean, really, we're combining the best of both worlds with this idea. And you haven't even heard the best part! Just in case the actor ever decides to leave the show, we can hold this over his head because we can always have Levant turn into a child again. It's perfect! That way, the audience won't get mad at us for making up some ridiculous plot line to explain why he went away for a while until he realizes no one's knocking down his door for the next movie-of-the-week, you know? And a kid will work for peanuts. I'm telling you, people are going to adore Little Levant!